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Jarin Dreamsinger
Awakening 
22nd-Dec-2006 01:04 pm
Kirin

Seven years ago, almost exactly, I had a memory. It involved me as a female dragon. But it wasn't very long, probably less than a minute, and with very little context. One of the few things I could make out was that I was definitely not alone... and the other person who was there felt familiar. Like a friend I knew in this life, who I knew had his own memories of a past life as a dragon. Eyovah.

I talked with him about it. It was around Christmas, I'm pretty sure. We walked around his family's property (I was living there at the time), just him and I, talking about a lot of things. Memories. Friends. His website. He wouldn't say whether or not he thought he remembered me from Krenar, all he'd say was "It's possible." He did tell me one thing, though: that the "Krenar" logo on his website is charged so that it can be used in meditation to help people uncover memories of that world if they had a past life there. I tried that, after his visit was over, and more times than I can recall in the intervening years. It's honestly never really seemed to have an effect for me. At this point I'd pretty much given up on recovering memories of that life, and had almost forgotten about the initial memory again.

Then I did something I thought was innocent: I went to see Eragon with Duo.

I should state right away that the plot and characters bear absolutely no resemblance to Krenar or anything Eyovah and I discussed, or which I have subsequently recalled. That said, the visuals were some of the most stunning dragon-cgi I have ever seen done. I think that's what triggered it, because as Duo and I were driving back to his house after the movie, I started feeling my dragon side like I never have before. And with it was coming memories, knowledge... even altered energetic perceptions. Way too much for me to grasp in its entirety. I'm still not sure what all is in there, I'm trying to sift through it now, and this post is the start of an effort to catalog the things I am remembering so that they are not lost again. That said, I'm not even sure where to begin...

I think I may go insane if I have to type up this post referring specifically to "Krenar Dragons" every step of the way, so I'm just going to talk about my dragon form with the understanding that everything I say with regard to it I currently believe refers to a draconic life on Krenar. I am open to evidence for or against this, that's just my starting assumption as I begin this exploration.

I don't think my dragon form is entirely physical. The sense I get is being able to shift form almost at will... I suspect that our true nature was energetic, and that our physical aspects represented the best translation of that energy into a physical form. I'm reminded, with this, of both Ally's race (he's always referred to his race as varying phenotypically more than most races, and I think I'm starting to get why that may be if they also are energy-based) and some of the "origin" stories of energetic elenari incarnating as physical elenari. Certain aspects of Lis'tarii language also intrigue me with a potential overlap that I'll be getting to in a moment, that may also indicate a more fluid physical form than most and an underlying energetic nature.

I think I got something wrong in my interpretation of my original memory. I thought I was female at the time I first remembered it, but the sense I am getting now is that I was actually more genderfluid... hermaphroditic, even, but in a sense that I could be either or both as I chose. As I alluded to in the previous section, this makes me think of the Lis'tarii words Saikatar, Sainar, Senar, and Seneer and wonder a bit about whether there too is an example of a race where phenotype may not matter so much as the energy embodied by that form.

The energetic aspects of my dragon side are really making me sit up and take notice in a variety of ways. Memories are coming back to me of, rather than human conventions like handshakes to greet someone, coming up to someone and gently placing a hand/paw/talon (what's the right word for what dragons have?) on their body at a focal point/chakra and exchanging energy. I believe a large part of the reasoning behind this custom was to establish bonds between all members of the society. I believe I also remember sexual acts being used for this purpose between close friends/family (not sure if the connotation at the moment is born-family or chosen-family or both) though I also recall that this use required the learning of more advanced energy control in a safe environment, and that such instruction was part of a young dragon's education as they began to enter "adulthood" (I am not sure yet if this adulthood was full physical maturation or merely social independence... I suspect the latter. Possibly around the age they would take on an apprenticeship? Or the transition may be from apprentice to journeyman... not clear on that yet.)

Another thing I remember about us is that we were telepathic. Not like Saphira in Eragon... we could speak aloud, though we were probably also capable of mindspeech. This is more in the realm of being able to transfer knowledge/memories through energetic links like the ones used as greetings. I'm not yet sure if memories/knowledge could also be passed at a distance, though I suspect they could if there was need. It was probably less sure, though, and the effort involved at both ends would have been greater. I keep having a mental image of draconic minds/energies merging at times into some kind of overall linkage... the imagery of "The Great Link" of the Changelings from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine comes to mind somewhat, though I don't think it involved physical forms. Another image that comes to mind is from Huna, wherein Aumakuas are believed at a certain level to join together into a great host of all Aumakuas. I believe there is related imagery in certain new-age and channeled texts, though I would be hard pressed to cite specifics.

Going back to the greeting I remember, I should mention something else that I only noticed since connecting with this side of myself: the trueform symbol on his website that Eyovah specifically charged to help with DRAGON awakenings (the red-background one) feels like that sort of greeting to me now. The regular generic otherkin one does not. It does make me wonder if the overall energetic nature of Krenar dragons had anything to do with Eyovah's skill with Reiki, but at the same time I do not want to wrongly diminish the hard work and effort that he put in during this lifetime to become the healer he was.

Going back to my memories, I should touch a bit on one of the things most fundamental to dragons (IMHO): flight. One of the mysteries of dragon flight has always been how wings can lift a creature that large. I think I have a theory now: what if dragon wings don't (just) push against the air? What if they interact with the energies of the world... the magnetosphere, for instance, as well as other more esoteric energies? What if they're pushing off against not just air, but a veritable ocean of energies that surround us at all times? Perhaps even down to the fundamentals of space and time themselves? I suspect this is true. I believe I even have a visual memory of a dragon using their wings (and doing energywork through those wings) to open a temporary Gate for him or herself (I am not yet sure how to judge draconic gender at a distance from visual memories unless I specifically know the person or we are engaged in acts which would make such obvious.).

If you ever go see the movie Eragon, one of the most visually striking things for me was the use of a special effect to show Eragon "seeing with his dragon's eyes": in the movie this is mostly done to allow him to zoom in on things far away, and to have infrared vision during night battles. But something about it did strike me as almost right... I think that we had the ability to view things more as energy than as their physical makeup, if we chose to. It's interesting to me that my memories of many things *in this life* tend to default to a kind of energetic/kinesthetic view than normal visual memories unless I make a special effort to recall physical forms. I remember the feel of someone, their energy and such, and their spatial relation to me far more readily than I do what they looked like or what they were wearing. Even with someone as close to me as Eyovah, for example, I have a far more distinct memory of the physical and energetic feeling of his hugs than I do of his face. So far there are exactly four people in my life whose hugs remind me of his, and at least one of them I know to have been from Krenar. ;-) Those hugs also remind me of the draconic greeting I recall, though somewhat toned down since the effect is spread out over a larger area rather than focused on a particular chakra.

I'm probably focusing too much on energetic stuff, so I'll try to get a bit down about the physical/cultural things I remember... I remember us having something that I want to call a caste system, but I'm not sure that's the right term. I don't necessarily think it was something you were born into, though some things (like the royal line) were hereditary (I'm not sure these counted though, I think you could be of the royal line but still part of a different caste unless/until you actually became ruler). But I also don't get the sense that people changed careers much, if at all. Once you took on a particular calling, I feel like you stayed with it. You might dabble at other things, even become quite good, but you were in a sense defined by your primary "career". There was a somewhat distinct "warrior caste" for instance. I was not part of this, though I think at least one family member may have been. I think there may have been another caste working as diplomats/ambassador types, though the word that I currently think captures most of their feel is "Counselor". I'm not sure yet if I was one of these, or something else. Most of my visual memories seem to involve me as a fairly young dragon (I, for instance, remember a portion of my training to learn better energy control for purposes of sex-bonding and as I indicated before I believe that was something of a rite of passage for young dragons as they grew up).

Other things I remember... walking along a ridge of mountains so tall they were brushing against the clouds. I believe a castle was ahead, nestled atop the spine of the mountains, giving the appearance of resting on the clouds. At the moment, I do not have memories of clouds solid enough to rest upon, though I have some sense of that being the case (with certain clouds, perhaps?)... which does make me wonder if Krenar is entirely as physical as it appears, or if it too is a physical manifestation of energy. I do remember the multicolored clouds/sky, but I've also heard Eyovah and others speak of that many times, so it's possible my memories have been influenced by that. I should note that I will try to indicate wherever I believe I remember something that I have previously been told, in an effort to keep those memories somewhat separated from the things I have remembered without such prompting.

As for what my dragon self looks like, I haven't been able to figure that out yet. I feel the form, but I'm looking out of its eyes and not at a reflection of myself in any of the memories I currently have. I feel wings, a tail... in the most vivid memory I have, I was in a quadrupedal position, but in other memories I seem to have arms and been walking upright. As I said, I believe our forms were rather fluid. I remember blue scales... not a sky blue, but not a truly dark blue either like Saphira (in the movie)... I have a stone at home that seems almost the right color, blue quartz. (Stone depicted is not the one I have, but similar enough.) I feel a tail. I'm not sure what else... possibly horns of some sort, though that may be bleedover from some of my other forms/lives.

I think that's all I can parse out for the moment (with some details held back in parts for verification purposes when comparing memories). There's more, I feel like a lot more, but it's like it all got downloaded into my head with no index and a lot of it still compressed. That's fairly common for memory floods with me, though, and it usually turns out that I remember more than I'm consciously aware of, because a lot of things I just "know" with little reference if any to where or how I learned it in that life.

So... thoughts? *grins*
Comments 
22nd-Dec-2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
I could have told you that about the flight. I mean, to the point where I thought that 'everyone' knew that dragons flew partially on energy. (Most of my angels claim the same, as they most certainly do not have hollow bones.) This will teach me not to assume that the things I know by instinct are the things everyone knows.

We actually started existence as a completely immaterial being. I'm not sure we ever told you that or not. 'We' decided to split ourselves and take physical form for learning and observation. This seems to be one of the few lifetimes where so many of our shards are again in the same place. (Hence the being born multiple thing, which most people don't seem to understand.)

Consensus from the dragons here state that it is a -very- unwise thing to make such a generalization as 'if the overall energetic nature of Krenar dragons had anything to do with Eyovah's skill with Reiki'. That does indeed seem to lessen the work he put into it, and not everyone in the universe, regardless of rate, has any sort of healing talent. It is a calling, and has nothing to do with such things as 'race', especially when dealing with reincarnation, multiple forms, etc.

Just our two cents. :)
22nd-Dec-2006 08:16 pm (UTC)
I have admittedly heard before that dragon flight involves energy/magic, however I have always taken that to mean that the dragons are themselves producing or channeling energy to fly, not that they are essentially "swimming" in a sea of ambient energies of various types. It's an important distinction, I think, because otherwise draconic flight would be much more draining and would either only be sustainable for short distances or require an energy worker capable of channeling massive amounts of energy for a sustained period to fight against gravity. It's sort of like invisibility... it's possible, but it's a lot cheaper and more practical to go with something along the lines of an SEP/TANTDYALF field.

I don't think you ever told me that, no, or if you did I did not remember it.

I think I may have given the wrong impression with my comment about the energetic nature of Krenar Dragons having something to do with Eyovah's skill with Reiki. First, I should point out that I view Reiki as a form of energywork, not just a form of healing... I think someone can be very skilled with Reiki, and still not be a "healer". Rialian is one person who I would consider highly skilled with Reiki but not really a "healer", though he is certainly capable of healing when there is need. I would have also counted myself in this category till fairly recently, though in the past few years my Reiki work has begun to involve a lot more healing of various folks and I now count myself somewhere in between. That said, it strikes me that having active memories of a life where you essentially were energy is a tremendous benefit to working with energy in this life. In a similar manner, having active memories of a life where your culture's central philosophies were based around the idea of finding the best possible path for the future may make one more versed in Flow-working in this life. It is not to say that the races are inherently more skilled, it is a benefit of the knowledge that comes from remembering lives where the culture you were immersed in truly embraced those skills and incorporated them at a fundamental level into their society and mindsets.
22nd-Dec-2006 07:22 pm (UTC)
The stuff on energetics (and in particular the mechanism of flight) actually fits--with me (I almost said "with us", LOL) it's as much a matter of *will* in the actual flying as, well, going flap-flap, LOL. The flapping or the swimming with shen-lung is more steering, the actual flight is energetic based.

I can understand phenotype not being entirely fixed--you all know how fluxy my draconic forms can be (I have maybe four or five different "flavours" of draconic form that I'm aware of), but it all "smells" of dragon, if that makes sense. (I should note here I am not using "smell" as in the sense of human smell, but as the closest analogue I can think of to the energetic sense--a closer analogue would be "flehmen" but that would go over 99 percent of people's heads. I also tend to use wolfish parallels for things at times.)

I also can see stuff bleeding over at times, including people's energetic forms, so a lot of that does make sense. I also have the sense that dragons not only can see energetic stuff but also have a wider range and higher definition of vision than humans do (the closest parallel here in meatspace is with hawks--how they can see well into the infrared and ultraviolet, can perceive variations of colour that we can't (they have four colours of cones where humans have three) and have sharper definition vision)

As for dragon society, I can't be of much help (I remember all of *two* lifetimes involving any knowledge of draconic society--one was a matriarchial family society, one was, well, you know of that one :D). The dragon-moot thing sounds vaguely familiar, though, in at least the lifetime when I knew the matriarch dragon. Nightstorm knew her well too, you might want to talk to him on that.

There is also a very interesting (fictional) parallel in Shadowrun where one dragon is essentially the keeper of memories for all dragons, they imprint all of their memories on a crystal, this is essentially the record of dragons in the many ages of that world (as an aside, Shadowrun gets some things wrong, but some things frighteningly close on--including the idea of dragons seeing "threads" and sensing things in energetics).
22nd-Dec-2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
Ally's race is similar in regard to phenotype... he is essentially a humanoid cat with your classic faery wings. His half-sister looks more like a faery-winged elf, as do all of their parents. I believe other members of his species are even more varied, but he's not big on providing a lot of examples. He just doesn't see it as all that strange.

And yes, I agree with you on sight... I was including infrared and ultravioloet as methods of viewing types of energy along with the more metaphysical types.

I wasn't familiar with that aspect of Shadowrun I've read a couple of the books, and own the manual, but I never delved deeply into their dragon lore. Also never found anyone interested in playing. ;-)
22nd-Dec-2006 11:29 pm (UTC)
Actually, the Shadowrun stuff in question is fairly new (after FASA went bankrupt and WhizKids bought the rights to Shadowrun--as an interesting side note, a friend of mine ended up doing a fair amount of the artwork for Earthdawn 2nd Ed. when Looking Glass Games bought the rights to that game). Specifically, most of this is in a recently published 3rd Ed guide to dragons in the game (where it goes *much* deeper into dragon society).

I know about it in part because, well, at least among me and NS's social circle we have quite a few gamers *laughs* Including the occasional Shadowrun campaign. :3

Understood on the rest of it :3
23rd-Dec-2006 11:45 am (UTC)
Ah, that makes sense then, the books I read were second edition or older I'm fairly sure. I know the manual I have is second edition, I don't own any of the fiction anymore to check but I'm pretty sure they predated my purchase of the manual.
22nd-Dec-2006 09:00 pm (UTC) - Energy and Stuff
Boy, when you said "at lenght", you ment it!

You talk about energy as much, if not more, than I do. I don't know what that says about ya, but it definately says something.

I relate the gender fluid kin aspects. The aspects (bass vibes) I've found w/in myself are gender fluid as weell. I'm physically female, but I've flt hermaphriditic, nuter and male... though I have yet to be able to explain how anythign can feel male, female or any other gender.

Do you have any pictures of the multicolored sky and clouds? They sound pretty.

Oh, and a physical manifestation of energy... that's an interesting notion, one which I will now carry with me as I consider my own "memories"... Though, I wonder how far we can carry that. On the one hand, I can see where a person can restructure their enner energy to heal themselves (or make themselves ill)... On the other hand, do we blame people who fail to heal themselves or keep themselves well or forsake the lessons of science (viruses, for example)? I donno... just thinking in text. Don't mind me.
23rd-Dec-2006 12:13 pm (UTC) - Re: Energy and Stuff
Heh, well, honestly I've been dealing with some insecurity about how to post about this set of memories. Eyovah touched my life very deeply during the relatively brief time I knew him. Most of my work with Reiki and Huna, for instance, has been based off of his work. He was also my father during my elven life on Alorya. It could justifiably be said that I'm somewhat obsessed with him to this day... I consider him an Aumakua, which is a hawaiian word from the Huna system meaning "ancestor spirit" and is somewhat roughly equivalent to the Ujigami ("clan kami") of Shinto. So a part of me was somewhat afraid of how people would react to me claiming memories from Krenar as well. It seemed like the best way to forestall that would be to put up as much as I possibly could, and let people really see the process of exploration I'm going through with these memories. Though I'm probably being needlessly paranoid... I think if anyone were going to call me out for being obsessed over Eyovah it would have happened long ago. I think people understand my feelings about him, and are not going to jump to the wrong conclusions over something like this. Particularly the people who also claim memories from there, and/or who were close to him in this life.

As for talking about energy, you should see me when I go into full research mode with Reiki and related systems of energywork... which reminds me, I still have a lot of notes on that stuff to put up on my website. I've gotten a bit behind since my laptop died last year... need to work on that soon. :)

I think overall I'm most comfortable in lives where I was either fully herm, or gender fluid. This life I'm male, which is ok (if I had to pick just male or female I'd generally take male) but at times feels somewhat limiting.

I don't have any pictures, I'm not really much of an artist, however if memory serves I do think that one of the backgrounds on Eyovah's website was meant to be reminiscent of them... the background on this page, I believe: http://www.rialian.com/eyovah1/krenar.html

I'm not sure how the idea of blaming the sick really follows from the idea that some beings are physical manifestations of energy. Even with such beings, not all members of the species are going to be skilled with energy manipulation of the type necessary to combat all illnesses. And in taking on a physical form, even for something which is largely energetic, I would think one would also take on some of the limitations of that form, such as needing to eat, sleep, etc... not everything could be resolved on a purely energetic level.

23rd-Dec-2006 04:41 pm (UTC) - Re: Energy and Stuff
I wouldn't be insecure about posting memories. If you've yet to interpret them or interpet them in a strange way... no biggie. Friends lock works nicely, or keep things private unil you can has it out in a manner other people will *get*. I tend to use my own journal for just dumping my thoughts, so it has a rather random and rambly feel, but if you want to wait until your ideas are more structure, ok. Friends lock or private... or pencil and paper. :)

Personally, I'd feel most at home in an effiminate male body... w pointy ears. LOL I've thought about getting a six change (I'm physically female), but I've long since concluded thathaving slot B as opposed to tab A won't make me any less happy or limit me in my life... especially since American society is warming up to re- defigned, loosely defigned or not defigned gender identities and roles. So I look butch. Fine. So my tits are little. Fine. Quality people will accept me as I am... judging me on the content of my character blah blah blah... Not to say that I judge people who go and get the opperation. I just feel I am best off being as comfortable as I can be in this flesh suit... though i wish I was taller. LOL

Thanks for the link. I better understand now. Seems the sky you describe is more colorful but not in some loopy way, more in a scientific way, moisture in the ahir refracting light... So yeah, I can see how clouds and sky would be a wider range of vibrant colors. Sounds very pretty.

I'm not sure how the idea of blaming the sick really follows from the idea that some beings are physical manifestations of energy.

It doesn't. You say *some*... I have seen people equate all malodies to problems with energy or in a person's thinking. They take an awareness of energy and how it can effect reality and then paint reality with a broad brush. I think this is unscientific and pretty damn mean. Please understand that I was not saying this is how I interpet your words, nor is it how i think.
22nd-Dec-2006 09:15 pm (UTC) - More
Oh Yes. 2 moew rhinfa.

LOTR Fellowship of the Ring movie had me balling over the elves passing from Middle Earth. The books moved me, but it doen't quite have the same power as being emmersed in an audio visual retelling of the story. yes, they changed a few things, but I must say, they captured the spirit of Middle Earth and of the elves well. The very beginning alone had me blubbering like a baby. This is part of what led me to otherkin... wondering if there were really elves and if I was an elf... This came at the same time as wondering if I'm some sort of space alien or angel or... something... I mean, I've always wondered about that, but I'd had it w/ the fruitless search, so I started scowering all sorts of weird people hangouts on the internet. lol My point being that you're not the only one who's awakenning or at least thoughts of awakenning can be sparked by a movie. This doesn't mean you are running around claiming to be Sailor Moon and expecting everyone to believe you w/o question.

I once came up w/ a theory about the color of angels' wings and the type of energy they used to glide on. If you have energy that registers as green and purple and you have an angelic that cruises in the environment where much of that energy is about (probably specializes in such energy), then the wings may pick up green and purpole coloration.
23rd-Dec-2006 12:25 pm (UTC) - Re: More
*chuckles* It doesn't really surprise me that a movie can spark awakening, I've known it to happen to more than a few people. I'm also friends with a number of people who consider themselves otakukin, as I do myself with certain lives. (Generally I'm not as open about those, though that may change... reconsidering some things lately regarding how open I've chosen to be about a lot of the things I remember.)

That is a really interesting theory... it would make sense to me, though I'm not certain if it happens or not... would be interesting if there was some way to verify it...
23rd-Dec-2006 05:08 pm (UTC) - Re: More
*smiles* I'd really like to hear about otakukin memories from a person who seems to be able to draw different interpetations from just the literal "We must have been these heavy dragons walking on clouds... because we're just that cool, period." You think beyond the literal. It's certainly possible that you and others were entities in a real life that is depicted in anime (and other media) here in this reality. But there are also many more likely possibilities... All of wich should be explored. Just as I should be open to "Hey, why not? It could happen.", I hope those with "fictional" memories are open to "Well, maybe it's just how I'm processing real memories..." and similar ideas... Then again, I think all kin bennifit from being open to the notion that we are way way way off bass and just getting a tad carried away in fantasies. This allows us to question our assumptions which allows us to grow.

I'm actually very bad about flip- flopping between belief and doubt... When I first found out there was a label for 'kin, I was all like "I MUST BE AN ELF FROM MIDDLE EARTH!"

No... But the Tolkien universe speaks to me, and I do feel (strongly... though on a very emotional level) that elves were here once... a very long time ago, and left... though elves aren't the types to do anything concretely, not into binary values, no. Granted, Rialian's site has elven otherkin looking impracticle and wish- washin, imho, but I see elven- ness as a state of mind that allows for consideration of all ideas, even the ones we find repugnant... "Well, I can understand where this would be bennificial here, but I also understand where it could do allot of harm..." hence the ever dreaded lenthy elven councils. LOL I see elven councils as a "Let's all get together and think outloud." session... uh oh.

Speaking of which, I got off on a tangent. Sorry. :)

Anyway, my strong feelings regarding Middle Earth and the idea of an Earth before this one has led me into starting into researching Skandinavian mythology... well, that and the Tolkien obsessed metal bands. LOL

Slos, sorry for the (...). If I don't trail off, I end up becomming very rambly.

Now, I've sense decided that, in my zeal to remember who I am and live as a blah blah, I lateched onto Middle Earth elves. My awakenning has yet to reveal Gandolf, Frodo and the rest and has revealed many other non Middle Earth related things that I have a difficult time interpreting literally. I've yet to find things I remember in myths or in other 'kin accounts.

In fact, if I am an elf, I don't see elves as terribly literal thinkers. I'd expect the awakening to be a round about process (as mine has been) that focusses more on the journey and lessons learned along the way than on the destination. Sure, we want the heros on their epic quests to reach the end, save the princes, slay Grendall, boose it up w/ friends while the arm is mounted on the tavern wall... But if the story began and ended there, we'd be pretty damn board, wouldn't we? We'd like to se how events transpire, get to know the characters and the setting and so on...

If you haven't guessed, I think I might be an elf. :)
23rd-Dec-2006 02:51 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
YEP! That be it. I don't flow with Krenar but the rest is a go. Think about it. When the dragon rises it comes from within not without.
23rd-Dec-2006 02:55 pm (UTC)
YEP!
21st-Jan-2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
It's weird how the magic will sleep for years, and then when you're least expecting it, there it is.

Beautiful memory - I look forward to hearing more as it decompresses...
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